10 Things You Should Keep To Yourself
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In life, there is no hard and fast rule on what you should share with others. Some people may be more open to discussing things like your sex life, while you may have friends and family who want to help you with your problems.
This can make it hard for people who tend to overshare to know what to say and what not to say. However, in general, ten things you should always keep to yourself are:
- Your income
- Your sex life
- Judgemental views
- Good deeds you do
- Future goals and plans
- Other people’s secrets
- The dirty and messy parts of your relationship
- Financial status
- Your problems
- Your advice, unless someone asks
Again, what you should and shouldn’t say depends on the person. Take the time to learn more about your friends and families and what you should share with each one. These ten topics above are what you should never share with random people or unprompted, however.
Why Shouldn’t You Share Everything?
It isn’t necessarily the sharing that is the problem. It is that a lot of people try to share things that make other people uncomfortable or that other people don’t care about.
This means it is important to understand what you can share with each person. By oversharing, you can make people uncomfortable or be more involved in your life than they want to be.
It can be hard to determine if you are oversharing because it highly depends on the person you are talking to and their connection and relationship with you. There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to relationships and level of personal details.
How Can You Tell if You’re Oversharing?
If you are oversharing, there are certain ways you can tell. Some common signs of oversharing are:
- Unbalanced relationships where people know way more about you than you know about them
- You can’t stand to sit in silence
- You treat your close friends and family members like your therapist
- If you share a lot when you are at work
- You share intimate details to gain sympathy
- You are trying to provide a lot of information to make friends quickly
- You rely on people’s opinions to make decisions, like buying an item
- You share a lot of information on social media and are constantly posting something
- Everyone knows the details of your relationships, even people you aren’t close to
Is There Anyone You Should Share Everything With?
A lot of people say you should share everything with a partner. It is true that if you have a close partner or are in a very long-term and serious relationship, you want to be able to share everything with that person.
However, that doesn’t mean you have to share everything. For example, they don’t need to know the details of your last bowel movement or everything that happened and that your friends said when you went out last night.
So while you can share everything with them, that doesn’t mean you need to.
What Can You Do if You Can’t Stop Sharing Things?
Oversharers tend not to be able to stop putting their foot in their mouth, even if they want to. One way to do that is to learn to handle your anxiety. Most people tend to overshare because they can’t handle silence, and they use it as a way to curb their anxiety.
Being able to handle and process your stress and emotions on your own is a good step. Additionally, try and allow your friends and family to share too. They probably have things they want to talk about, even if it is something silly, like what their favorite color is.
Actively take the time to learn more about your friends, as it is likely you don’t know nearly as much about them as they do about you. However, make sure you don’t push for intimate details and only let them share as much as they are comfortable with.
How to Set up Boundaries?
The best way to set up boundaries is to talk with each friend. Figure out what subjects make them uncomfortable and that they may not want to hear. This can help you start to listen to their feelings more and set up boundaries of where conversations will go.
In time, you can learn to balance listening, sharing, and just being there in the moment, but setting firm boundaries with each friend and what you post online is a good start.
Take time to process what you are going to say as well. Most people that overshare tend to regret it or feel ashamed later. So before you post or say something, take some time to think about what you are saying.
Are you going to regret it later, or will it make you embarrassed down the road? If so, it is better not to share it at all.
Also, think about where the conversation is going. Is it about someone else right now, and would say what you are thinking about saying and steer the conversation back to you instead? Maybe wait to talk then, and let your friend finish telling their story.
Final Thoughts on 10 Things You Should Keep To Yourself
Oversharing may seem harmless in the short run, but it can cause all sorts of problems. It usually leaves the speaker feeling embarrassed and ashamed later, and it can cause problems in relationships.
People that overshare in an attempt to get close to someone may find that they are more distant from people. This is because most people find people who overshare to be self-centered and shallow.
Even if this isn’t the case, telling everyone every intimate detail and never taking time to listen to others doesn’t give people the opportunity to see another side of you. Take time to listen to others, and learn to keep some facts to yourself.