My Daughter Has Broken My Heart
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It can be hard to handle it calmly when someone breaks your heart, even your daughter. However, that is exactly what you have to do. While showing how their actions and words affected you are good, and you don’t want to lash out and say heated things at the moment.
Daughters are full of hormones and emotions; they will react and say things they don’t mean to try and get a specific reaction out of you. Sometimes they do it intentionally, or sometimes they just don’t realize the consequences of their actions.
No matter what, you have to show your daughter that you are full of love and you will always be there to support them.
What Should You Do About it?
Honestly, children are hard. They have a lot of hormones raging through their bodies, and their brains aren’t fully formed. Daughters are especially tough as they are starting puberty and are full of extra hormones.
Often, they start to grow cold, distant, and sometimes even cruel. It can break your heart every day to communicate with them. They never seem to care and may even say something horrible that you just can’t take.
Though it is incredibly hard, it is important not to react negatively about it. By doing so, you are creating a cycle. They are learning that you can be mean and cruel and that they can as well. Eventually, you create a deep rift that is impossible to recover from.
When you are feeling negative, try and take time to calm down before talking to them. Always make sure they know, in words and actions, how much you love them and that you will always be there for them.
Usually, this is a form of testing boundaries. They have heard about parents leaving their kids via a divorce or just never talking to them.
They’ve seen it on TV and heard it from their friends. So they are testing you to see if you will be there for them no matter what, and you have to prove it.
Sometimes, they just want to fit in. They may be acting out, so you will yell at them, and they can go and join in with all of their friends about how rude and strict their parents are.
What Do You Say to Her?
You want to do your best to stay calm. Make sure they understand how their actions have hurt you and what exactly about them has caused that hurt. However, there is a fine line between expressing and accusing those feelings, and you don’t want to cross that boundary.
You also want to state that you love them. Don’t punish them for their behavior; it isn’t entirely their fault. Hormones affect everyone differently, and just because you weren’t like that as a teenager doesn’t mean you should act the same.
How Do you Deal with it?
Tell them you will always be there to support them and provide for them and give them everything they need, but how much you are hurting.
You can even explain how that might change things like you won’t be excited about movie nights or playing games with them like you used to.
Change won’t happen instantly, and when it does happen, it will be subtle. Having these talks often and expressing how their actions are hurting you helps. But you also want to make sure they have room to talk. Were they acting out because of school?
Don’t force them to talk, but give them a time they can open up, without judgment, to express their own opinions. Whether they take it or not is up to them.
Can You Fix this Situation?
It will take a lot of time and patience, but it is possible to fix the situation. It will often be slow and subtle as well. One thing, as a parent, is to remember to let your guard down.
They have hurt you, and you want to be guarded to make sure that you aren’t hurt again. You may even find yourself lashing out when they are too nice or calm to get a normal reaction from them.
Take the time and self-awareness to let yourself be hurt again by your child, and let them get close again. This can help fix any problems between you two and allow you both to open up.
Things You Should Avoid Saying
Never accuse or insult your daughter. It can be hard to stay calm when you are constantly being insulted and attacked. However, lashing out will never make the situation worse.
However, though you want to stay calm, you don’t want to be cold. Show them how their words affect you. Many parents learn to hide their emotions from their children, but that isn’t always helpful.
If they hurt you to the point you are in tears, let them see you crying. Again, don’t accuse them; if you need to, tell them you need a moment so you won’t be angry at them, but being cold or mean solves nothing.
Final Thoughts on My Daughter Has Broken My Heart
You might think repairing the situation with your daughter is impossible. However, things can be repaired with enough open communication, love, and care. It is important that no matter what, you show your love and support.
Most daughters will also be subtle about showing their affection, to the point that you often overlook it. They may come to sit by you, show you something, or even open up about their day. These may be small interactions for you, but huge ones for them.
Eventually, with enough care, focus, and commitment, you can become close, and they can realize that their actions have consequences that they don’t want.