My Older Sister Always Puts Me Down

Last Updated on June 13th, 2023

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Sometimes being a younger sibling is great. You get a lot more slack from your parents than your older sibling or siblings did, and you can often do more. However, sometimes it is a bad place to be, as your siblings can use you as a verbal punching bag.

Sometimes, this behavior is due to frustrations with the amount of freedom or jealousy that you get more attention and less pressure than them. It can be hard for older and younger siblings to understand each other, and it leads to resentment, frustration, and hurt feelings.

It is always worth trying to talk to your older sister first. This allows you to try and open communication, express your feelings, and get to know your sibling better. But that doesn’t always work as well as we would hope.

One woman sitting on a couch while the other woman sitting near her - My Older Sister Always Puts Me Down

How Can You Stop it?

One of the best ways to stop your older sister from putting you down is to just talk to them. Sometimes, they may be doing it without realizing it. When they are stressed, there isn’t much way for them to let out their anger except by taking it out on you.

By pointing it out, they may be able to realize their mistake and work to improve them. However, they may need your help and patience during this time.

However, if they are doing it on purpose, then it may be harder. Talking to them directly may make it worse. In that case, you may need to set firm boundaries.


How to Talk to Her About it?

The first and most important step is to be calm when you approach your older sister. Starting off being angry and accusatory is only going to make their defenses go up, even if they want to change. This means that it is important to stay calm.

It is best to talk more about how you feel than to accuse them. For example, instead of saying, “you hurt my feelings because you put me down,” you should try saying something like, “I feel hurt when I try to talk to you. The things you say often make me feel bad”.

This can help them feel less defensive. It also states your feelings. Since they can’t tell you how you feel, and only you can determine that it also makes it harder to deny it. This also opens the doors for them to explain their feelings.

You can also try to encourage them by asking if something is upsetting them beforehand or if there is something they are stressed about.


Who Else Should Know About it?

If you trust your parents to be calm mediators, it may be a good idea to ask them to help, especially if you are still living at home. They can help to prompt questions, calm down someone when they get too worked up, and set boundaries when necessary.

If you have another older sibling, they can also be a good option, especially if they are older than you and your sister. They can give their own opinions of the situations and how they handled certain stressors.

Unfortunately, not everyone has parents or siblings that are able or willing to do this. If you don’t think your parents can be neutral and not pick a side, it may be best not to involve them.

Remember, you don’t want your older sibling to feel attacked or defensive. That means even if you are sure that your parents are going to pick your side, you may not want to include them unless they are going to be neutral.

Otherwise, your sibling may end up more frustrated and feel alienated from their whole family, leading them to lash out more. Though you may win the battle, this may end up making the war worse and ruining any chances of growing closer in the future.


What if Talking About it Won’t Stop Her?

Boundaries such as “if you keep this up, I can no longer talk to you” is a common boundary that usually gets the point across.

It is important to be firm with them and yourself as well. You can say that they can have three more tries before you stop talking to them. It is important to set those boundaries and be firm with them, or else your older sister may continue to put you down.

In some cases, your older sister will have no desire to change. If that is the case, your only option may be to cut ties with them or to limit communication as much as possible.


Final Thoughts on Your Older Sister Always Putting You Down

Sometimes it is hard to deal with older siblings. They can be rude, hurtful, and lash out. But, most of the time, your sibling is just dealing with their stress and taking it out the only way they know how.

It is worth trying to talk to them when that is the case. You may be able to help them out and make them aware of how you are feeling. It can even increase your closeness as you two talk and bond more.

Unfortunately, that isn’t always the case, and sometimes your only option is to cut ties when you can and reduce conversation as much as possible.

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